Our dentist is the dentist to the stars. He never drops names, as he's a professional, but we have occasionally sussed out a client or two. We haven't actually seen Brad Pitt, his blushing bride or Calista Flockhart in the office, but every time we go there we miraculously see a celeb standing on the same corner outside. Doesn't that seem odd? Guess not when you consider that ol' Bev Hills is everything you've ever heard it was: glossy and riddled with the famous; we swear the air is just a bit sweeter there. So on three recent trips (we were getting a lovely gold crown on our broken wisdom tooth) to the dentist we saw (one per trip) Noah Wylie, Kevin Nealon and Reese Witherspoon. Noah was wearing a suit and loping across the street looking just as dear and tasty as a butter bean - so boyish. Kev was waiting for the light to change. He looked like a regular guy. Very tall - that's probably what drew our eye. Unless it's because we now anxiously gape at this corner to see who the daily celeb will be. Then dear Reese. At first - we're mortified to admit - we mistook her for Alicia Silverstone. It was just one of those things. "Oh, pretty blonde, striking facial structure, Alicia Silverstone." Of course we immediately realized that nobody else has that jaw and that we were having a brief brain glitch (we'd say brain fart, but that's tacky). Of course it was Reese Witherspoon. She looked lovely in a form fitting black sweater and conservative, yet sexy black skirt. She had on big black sunglasses and was using her cell phone. But she was nonchalant about it, not gesticulating in the air or talking loudly. We imagined she was checking in with Ryan about the baby.

And just the other day we almost had a car accident with Jeff Goldblum! Okay, that's not really true, but it's so much more exciting than saying we thought for a minute it was clear and we need not yield, but then quickly noticed we must indeed yield in order not to hit a black Mercedes SUV. And as it passed - without our car whomping into its passenger door - we saw very clearly that it was Jeff Goldblum, who we would bed in a New York minute if only he'd have us and we bet he would 'cause we're pretty hot and he's a bit of a womanizer. Ah, to be womanized by Jeff Goldblum. Sigh. Anyhoo, he was wearing a pink button-down shirt and his hair was very short, though not as freakishly short as it is in his most recent iMac commercials. He looked handsome and not in any way chimplike, as he does in those ads. A handsome chimp, though. He appeared to be muttering to himself, but we suppose he could just have been talking on a hands free phone. It looked more like your basic self-muttering. He didn't have vanity plates (we were following him by now. Hey, we actually had to drive this way!), but we noted down the number, not that we have any idea what we'd do with such a thing. You wanna know the best part? Well, in LA, and probably all big cities, buses zorch into traffic without so much as a by your leave. Now we sympathize because these people do drive for a living and it's not like anybody is going to go out of their way to let a bus in, so you do what you gotta do. But Jeff Goldblum let the bus in! Blatantly stopped and waved that behemoth in! Isn't that darling, don't you love him even more for that? We followed him a while, going east on Hollywood Boulevard, but then we had to make a left on Fuller (to take the Franklin short cut) because, love Jeff though we do, we're certainly not driving on that chaotic nightmarish portion of Hollywood Boulevard that you see in all the movies.

And then the other night we went to see Closer at the Mark Taper Forum. That dollbaby Jeff @ the House (any chance we get we like to plug Jeff because his show is so fucking great that we find ourselves using swearwords) often takes us along when he reviews a play. And an opening no less. Well, we sat next to Mr. Pitt! Ian Abercrombie, but still, you most certainly know him as Elaine's old boss Mr. Pitt on Seinfeld. He's also in that long-running Discover Card commercial where he announces to all the world that the guy's card has been ... DECLINED! Our friend Lynn Maclean is in that ad, too, fyi. We love insider knowledge like that. She's the only business woman at the table with the other guys. Pretty, curly-headed strawberry blonde. Anyway, um, oh yeah, Mr. Pitt. First we spotted him in the crowd and then of all things he sat next to us. He and who we assume was his wife laughed their little asses off during the play, which endeared them to us. They especially seemed to like all the naughty bits. And after intermission he sat down on the arm of the chair by mistake and muttered shit and then was all apologetic for swearing. We assured him he could have said nothing more appropriate considering the situation. We liked him very much.

Don't we lead incredibly rich and full lives?