A Couple of Swells

Cynthia Rowley and Ilene Rosenzweig

Fashion designer Cynthia Rowley and New York Times Sunday Style Deputy Editor Ilene Rosenzweig have compiled a resourceful guide for girls, dabbling in subjects as diverse as car repair, running in high heels, giving a toast and the proper way to eat oysters. Swell: A Girl's Guide to the Good Life is a fantastic coffee table peruser or bathroom reading material. It's quick, fun and fabulously illustrated by Bill Brown.

The book concerns itself with swells. I wasn't really aware of that meaning of the word, so I looked it up. Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary defines the term swell as: 1. one who is fashionably dressed or socially prominent: society swells 2. fashionably elegant; stylish 3. having the characteristics of a person of rank and importance; showy; dandified; distinguished; as, a swell person.

Basically, the book teaches -- or encourages -- you to behave more like a swell. Here are a couple of their suggestions:

Whistling with four fingers -- an essential skill. It's really the only stylish way to catch a cab in NYC. Form an upside down "V" with both hands, index and middle fingers touching. Stretch lips taut and curled over teeth, jut your jaw out. Touch the tip of your tongue with your four fingers and push it back, leaving a space between the bottom lip and your two middle fingers. Be patient and blow. It'll take you a while to master, but once you do all those saliva-fingered tries will be worthwhile.

An essential quality to a swell is good posture. It is indicative of what a swell is: confident, put-together; a swell makes the best of all situations -- social, physical, whatever. Good posture not only makes you feel and look better, others see you as more confident, more capable. Take a cue from yoga gurus who speak of a "golden cord running through your spine." Pay attention to that golden cord and let it pull your back and neck up straight. "Suck it in, point your headlights forward and think tall!" We've all been meaning to do this for years now. Do yourself a favor and start now. It prevents back pain and you'll thank yourself when you're 70.

Duking: the green handshake, the sly cash pass. I haven't had the gumption to actually try this in real life. I've been practicing on friends, though. I recommend practicing unless you aren't embarrassed when you drop the dough mid-handshake or the waiter recoils from your hand thinking the bill is some leathery diseased patch of skin. I get unbelievably red-faced at the slightest provocation so until I master the practice, I'm rehearsing like mad. Swell says there are those you tip, and those you duke. Duke the host who escorted you to a killer table, duke the doorman who whistled for your taxi. A duke is "for service above and beyond the call of duty." Swell recommends that you fold the bill (a twenty in most cases) three times, cup it in your palm, and put your hand out and shake the dukees hand like you mean it. You can duke before or after the service. Personally, I think it's way too bold and presumptuous to duke beforehand. Say thanks in a classy way by forking over the dough.

Hosting a party is never a flawlessly easy experience; there are always a few catches. Dealing with those dilemmas in an effective and calm manner goes a long way as far as Swell is concerned. Say your hosting a dinner party: the roasted garlic chicken is juicy, the green beans are an unbelievably beautiful verdant shade, the hors d'oeuvres were a hit. But when you go into the kitchen to get the final triumphant part of your feast, kitty has decided to partake of the pie before the guests. "Don't panic", says Swell. Just "slide the untrampled remainder into eight neat wedges, arrange in a circle then plop a box of cherries into the middle and let them fill up the gaps." Voilà! It looks so pretty it makes you wish you had thought of that in the first place.

An important part of confidence is being secure in your knowledge and surroundings. When in new situations a swell does not shrink and become a scaredy-cat wall flower. She indulges and revels in the serendipitous occasion. Make yourself at home in the world of the wealthy and the down-home world of the everyman. If you are like me, you're probably in the world of the everyman more than the rich man's world. Get to know a little about the lush life before you're thrown into its incredibly high thread count. Here are a couple tidbits from Swell to tide you over for the moment:

Champagne: The drier the better and the less likely to give you an immediate headache. Champagne can be Brut (bone dry and has less than 2% sugar); extra sec (dry); sec; demi-sec; and doux (very sweet/dessert wine). When picking a bottle take note of these categories.

Caviar: Recently I was at a casual party at a fabulous house in the Hollywood Hills. The mood was easygoing. There was a lovely arrangement of food displayed: barbecue wings, stuffed mushrooms, delicious crab cakes and a mysterious dish of tiny yellow bead-like balls. Situated next to some crackers, I should have guessed what they were but I had only seen caviar that was black. Stupidly and very un-swell like I whispered to a friend, "what's that?" Unabashedly unconcerned with my lack of upper crust know-how, he responded in a voice way too loud to be couth, "It's caviar for godssake!!!" Needless to say, I've since boned up on my fish-egg knowledge. There are three types: Beluga, which is the best of the best. Its silvery, pearl-sized eggs are from a sturgeon. It's thought that the ones from the Caspian Sea are the finest. Osetra is golden brown. This must be what was displayed at the aforementioned party. The eggs are smaller and firmer than Beluga. Sevruga caviar are the tiny black eggs that I was used to seeing. With all three types you should get the "malossol" or lightly salted variety. This designates the shipper's highest grade.

Swell: A Girls Guide to the Good Life is not exactly a book you'd read from cover to cover, more like something you'd leaf through only to be struck by a good idea you wish you'd had yourself. Don't be shy, a good idea is community property. Steal away, that's why they wrote it!!!

--Kate Murphy

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