What's It To Ya?

Here's what ya thought last month:

How many places have you lived?

[Editor's note: Let's just say you people have moved a hell of a lot.]

At least 13 different towns -- not counting the 17 different places I lived in college -- in seven different states.

I always thought it was cool that I lived my entire childhood in the same house my parents bought two weeks before they married. Everybody else always seemed to have moved a lot. Then I went to college and lived two years in the same dorm, different room, then two years in a house on that same street. One apartment across town then one in LA. Five homes, three towns. That ain't bad.

Five different places in Massachusetts, Arizona, Utah, and Hollywood so eight if you count the Massach.

One street, two different houses.

If we're talking states: three (Michigan, Minnesota, Massachusetts) with longish sojourns in Aix-en-Provence and Washington DC. If we're talking buildings, I'm on my 15th (I think).

I've only lived in Calif, but all over -- Gardena, Cerritos, Carson, Ontario, Muscoy, Fontana, San Bernadino, Devore, San Fernando, Mid Wilshire & Venice babay!!

Would you shave your head?

No way. Unless I had to have my head sliced into for an emergency.

Yup, for the right price or to win a good game of dare.

No. When I was younger maybe. But companies would think twice about hiring a woman with a shaved head.

Only if my brothers in the Klan asked me to.

Yes, but only for a very good cause, and then I'd probably wear a wig because I have kind of a bone head.

Yes and I have. However once you shave your head you have this inexplicable desire to talk like Billy Bob Thorton. I like them french fry taters.

Yes if I begin to go bald in a bad three piece way: a chunk up front, a chunk in the back left and a chunk toward the back right side of my head.

When I was younger I wanted a bleached blonde pig shave. But full on scalp? I have too many moles on my head.

What's your motto?

Choose the tire iron.

"Smile, it gives your face something to do." (Just kidding, this was on a poster that my husband and I found recently in the house we bought from an 80 year old lady who lived in it all of her adult life. I guess it was her motto. We have it hanging in our garage now.

Next year in Jerusalem.

"You can rest when your dead" Just kidding. Probably something about striving towards an unachievable level of excellence just because I can.

"Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof," or as a friend once paraphrased that, "Honey, yer just digging' up snakes to kill 'em."

If it swells ride it!

Be open to other people's opinions. You can always learn something from a person you just met or any situation you encounter. Never have any regrets.

Live young, die good, and leave a hard-looking corpse.

If you can fix the problem, then do. Otherwise you can't fix it, so don't worry about it.

I don't give a fuck.

What will immediately take someone out of the running when you're sizing up a potential date?

[Editor's note: Happy to say most of you said racism and bad breath/teeth. People! Don't forget to brush your tongue! It's crucial.]

When I first spot him and we've just started talking? Visible gingivitis and that one distinctive breath that goes with it. You know, the smell on your floss when you haven't flossed in a hundred years?

Nose picking, arrogance, racism and tantrums.

Everything, I'm married. But, before I was married, it would have been bad personal smells (breath, body, smoke).

Ass-breath, food stuck in teeth, same-sexed person, anyone wearing professional team (including wrestling) clothing (i.e. sweatshirts/jackets/hats), anyone who likes Tom Cruise. Actually anyone in general -- already spoken fer.

Incessant talking.

Massive drooping eyelids similar to my own.

I once broke up with a girl because she said, "I am so grateful I'm not like that," when she was talking about an overweight person. She was nice up to that point but, I knew she would be a bitch.

A great personality and stunning good looks. Who needs to be that happy or hopeful?

No sense of humor, and a lack of intelligence, and a closed mind.

Bad teeth, beer gut and being shorter than me (5' 6").

Dirty fingernails, smaller hips than mine.

If they sneeze and you say "bless you" and they don't respond in any way.

If he starts looking around at everyone else in the room.

Whether or not they are a college graduate.

Boys with feet smaller than mine and hairy ears

Bad hygiene such as halitosis, body odor, etc., also, heavy gold jewelry is an immediate turn off.

Has anyone ever really "gotten you" with a practical joke?

Yes -- every month my employer "gets me" via my salary - but it's not very funny

I think so, but after that first bite of "chocolate frosting" everything just went black.

Probably. Can't remember. Practical jokes suck ass. And so do this month's questions. [Editor's note: You're mean.]

No. But I once twined somebody's room in a co-op. Harmless, hilarious, prank. And I actually convinced him that I hadn't done it.

My maa put a fake piece of dog crap on my bed.

My boyfriend does all the time. Like calling me on his cell phone and saying the car has been stolen while I am stoned and so I am trying to figure out how to get sober to deal with the situation and then he walks thru the door laughing at me.

In a big way. Once a colleague found me sleeping at my desk, full-on drooling. She stuck a yellow stickie on my phone that said, "Julia, please come see me when you wake up. Pete." Pete was my boss' boss! I went stumbling into his office apologizing and promising it would never happen again. Of course, he just looked at me blankly. This same colleague once put a perfectly laid-out banana peel near my desk, but I didn't slip on that one.

Check back next month for your answers to our questions!