Minding our own business waiting for the light to change at Coldwater Canyon and Ventura (one of the not nearly enough green arrows in Los Angeles according to Jeff @ the house) we happen to glance at the 76 station only to see Kristen Johnston of 3rd Rock fame washing her car windows. Tall and bouncy and lean in her yellow shoes, she was smiling and chatting with one of the employees there. She seemed like a regular all-American gal. Then she hops into her SUV (but she cleaned the windows herself, so I was letting her have that one) and begins to pull out of the parking lot, when what to my wondering eyes did appear? She crammed a cigarette into her mouth. No, not crammed, she did that old fashioned detective thing of just resting it on her bottom lip. And it's hanging on there in that way they do when just enough spit has adhered it to the skin. Our little faces dropped. We couldn't care less that she was smoking, it's the fact that she suddenly turned into Humphrey Bogart. She really should work on emulating the smoking style of a Garbo or someone. We always say, if yer gonna smoke, smoke sultry.

We were not disappointed, however, when we saw Beck (oh beautiful darling Beck, we love you oh we do, you are tiny and sweet and our wombs are supple and awaiting your joyous offspring) talking with Jack Black (oh wacky oddly appealing Jack, there's no womb at the inn, but we wouldn't throw you out of bed) at the Viper Room. Okay okay, we know you think we're so damned hip for always hanging at the Viper Room and well, really, we are. At least we think we are and isn't that all that matters? Beck has long shaggy hair now; so does Jack. And they're both so tiny. Not in the precious sense - though that too - but these guys are simply shorties. And there they were, huddled in conversation just off the bathrooms. Isn't it cute that famous people chat? We were in between sets of PJ Harvey and Half-Cocked. We would have stripped naked and shimmied up between them, but it hardly seemed right to interrupt.

Speaking of our outrageous hipness, we did some star spotting at a recent MOVIE PREMIERE. Well la dee dah. Oh, all right, fine, it's not cool at all. It was at the monstrous and appalling Universal City Walk and it was just for CyberWorld 3D. Which, by the way, was very very cool, but not exactly Gone with the Wind. We did see Allison Janney, ye olde C.J. Cregg from "The West Wing." There she was in the parking lot looking all familied out with husband and children. And since we love her more than we can possibly tell you, you can imagine our weak in the kneesness.

We also saw Ernie "I've seen shit that'll turn you white" Hudson with his family. He was actually dressed the way we always see him on interviews: black t-shirt tucked into belted black pants. And very buff, which honestly seems kind of odd to us. Sure, he's been buff for a long time and often plays tough guys like brilliant Warden Leo Glynn on OZ, yet he just doesn't have a buff head. You know? He has a sweet shy head. We're sure he'd be horrified to hear that.

We were keeping our eye out for Jenna Elfman, 'cause she voiced the movies animated emcee. The big ol' IMAX auditorium filled up and we didn't see her so we stopped looking. Suddenly we heard her unmistakable voice shouting across the place in greeting to a friend, which only endeared her to us. She was wearing red leather pants and a vaguely peasant-like blouse and looked just lovely. Technically though she's a Scientologist and that upsets us to no end. For a while we felt we couldn't like her, but a friend suggested that we think of her as a nice woman who just has a problem and we should feel sorry for her.

No sir, we're not lacking for opinions here. Yeah, well, it's our effin magazine!