I
have no clue what went wrong when you were growing up, whether it was
in mom's tummy or in the crappy suburb you came from, but you are borderline
retarded. If there is ass in your face ... good ass, you take it. I
can't believe I have to tell you this a second time but I'm mad. Damn
mad. I never get good ass offered to me for free and I have good hair.
I just don't understand you Scorpios at all.
You are a little too independent for that wimp you're with. S/he is
dragging you down into his/her depths of boredom and neutrality. S/he
is about as much fun as a Friday night in Orlando. Maybe it's time you
got rid of the burden. Just because someone is good looking doesn't
mean s/he has a personality. Usually it's the opposite: no personality
at all. This person is no exception. Get him/her away and fast.
Well la-dee-da. Look at the Responsibility Poster Child. You've got
your job and your apartment and your bills all paid and clean clothes,
whoop-de-doo, you sad piece of garbage. Who the hell do you think you
are being Goody Two Shoes McGee? Who put you in charge of anyone else's
life and gave you free reign to criticize their mistakes? I remember
about two months ago when you were broke and stinky and had moss on
your teeth. You better shut up and remember who the hell got you where
you are now. Revenge is a bitch but forgetting to say thanks is a black
mother.
It is time, once again, for you to work your ass down to the wire and
fingers to the bone. I hope you like this shit because you look older
than any of your friends, with your wrinkly forehead and graying hair.
You're still in your twenties and look like one of the California Raisins.
Maybe you need to reevaluate what this job really does for you aside
from age you forty years. You aren't even fun to be around anymore.
A conversation with you is like talking to a stereo manual.
I have heard a few times before that good friends will stick by you
through the good, the bad, and the ugly people who you've dated. If
you consider those who have done so for you "good friends" then return
the courtesy to them, don't bitch and moan about how they moved away
and now are too busy for you. It's not true. Friendship, thank God,
is not like Burger King; you cannot have it your way.
You've had your spurt with drugs and excessive partying before and everything
was fine - you spent too much money, but your health was okay. Things
have changed, dear ol' ex-ravers. You can no longer partake in the drug
festivals you used to. Staying up one night is now a difficult task,
as opposed to three summers ago when you could do six no problem. Your
eyesight's fading, you're getting migraines, and the clenched jaw thing
isn't cute on you anymore (not to mention dilated pupils that make your
eyes look bigger than your face). The thrill is gone. You aren't as
young as you used to be.
Here's a tip: after you eat ANYTHING, ask the person you're with whether
or not you have food in your teeth. They will most likely be honest
with you and tell you where it is and what color. You never know when
you might see an EX wandering the street who is excited to see you.
You know who you are.
I don't know what the hell you all are thinking!!!! How many times do
you have to hear not to have unprotected sex? How many diseases do you
need to catch? How many retarded kids do you need to have? When will
you ever learn? I hate to say I told you so but ... I TOLD YOU SO, sucker!
I know the weather's been bad for the past few weeks; it's cloudy and
puts you in a bad mood, even makes you nonproductive. I understand and
I sympathize, but ... eating solves none of these problems. Have you
noticed that your jeans don't fit as well and that Abercrappie shirt
of yours is just a tad tighter (it didn't shrink in the wash)? Well
fatty, maybe it's 'cuz you eat more than an Ethiopian at an All-You-Can-Eat
Buffet. The rainy weather won't last forever and you'll want to go swimming
at some point, or have sex, or something involving other people having
to look at your massive ass, and then where will you be? Fat and craving
Twinkie's, something you would've never thought of eating before. This
is what you deserve.
Leos are said to make the best performers. Musically, theatrically,
etc. etc. I find this to be extreme bullshit. Most of these "prodigies"
are Leo/Cancer cusps. (Definitely not Virgo/Leo cusp 'cuz Virgos suck
ass at performing, too.) So if you have heard this and had it drilled
into your head, it's false. Do not give up your day job kids, the only
Oscar you'll get is at a barbecue with relish.
Have you seen any good movies lately? Probably not unless you have some
sugar footer who pays for all your expenses. That's all well and good
though because I understand that you are a cheapskate. Actually, "cheapskate"
is too nice a term. How about you're cheaper than Taco Bell? That's
good. Enough said.
Natasha's
Horrorscopes
I
have no clue what went wrong when you were growing up, whether it was
in mom's tummy or in the crappy suburb you came from, but you are borderline
retarded. If there is ass in your face ... good ass, you take it. I
can't believe I have to tell you this a second time but I'm mad. Damn
mad. I never get good ass offered to me for free and I have good hair.
I just don't understand you Scorpios at all. 
You are a little too independent for that wimp you're with. S/he is
dragging you down into his/her depths of boredom and neutrality. S/he
is about as much fun as a Friday night in Orlando. Maybe it's time you
got rid of the burden. Just because someone is good looking doesn't
mean s/he has a personality. Usually it's the opposite: no personality
at all. This person is no exception. Get him/her away and fast. 
Well la-dee-da. Look at the Responsibility Poster Child. You've got
your job and your apartment and your bills all paid and clean clothes,
whoop-de-doo, you sad piece of garbage. Who the hell do you think you
are being Goody Two Shoes McGee? Who put you in charge of anyone else's
life and gave you free reign to criticize their mistakes? I remember
about two months ago when you were broke and stinky and had moss on
your teeth. You better shut up and remember who the hell got you where
you are now. Revenge is a bitch but forgetting to say thanks is a black
mother. 
It is time, once again, for you to work your ass down to the wire and
fingers to the bone. I hope you like this shit because you look older
than any of your friends, with your wrinkly forehead and graying hair.
You're still in your twenties and look like one of the California Raisins.
Maybe you need to reevaluate what this job really does for you aside
from age you forty years. You aren't even fun to be around anymore.
A conversation with you is like talking to a stereo manual. 
I have heard a few times before that good friends will stick by you
through the good, the bad, and the ugly people who you've dated. If
you consider those who have done so for you "good friends" then return
the courtesy to them, don't bitch and moan about how they moved away
and now are too busy for you. It's not true. Friendship, thank God,
is not like Burger King; you cannot have it your way. 
You've had your spurt with drugs and excessive partying before and everything
was fine - you spent too much money, but your health was okay. Things
have changed, dear ol' ex-ravers. You can no longer partake in the drug
festivals you used to. Staying up one night is now a difficult task,
as opposed to three summers ago when you could do six no problem. Your
eyesight's fading, you're getting migraines, and the clenched jaw thing
isn't cute on you anymore (not to mention dilated pupils that make your
eyes look bigger than your face). The thrill is gone. You aren't as
young as you used to be. 
Here's a tip: after you eat ANYTHING, ask the person you're with whether
or not you have food in your teeth. They will most likely be honest
with you and tell you where it is and what color. You never know when
you might see an EX wandering the street who is excited to see you.
You know who you are. 
I don't know what the hell you all are thinking!!!! How many times do
you have to hear not to have unprotected sex? How many diseases do you
need to catch? How many retarded kids do you need to have? When will
you ever learn? I hate to say I told you so but ... I TOLD YOU SO, sucker!
I know the weather's been bad for the past few weeks; it's cloudy and
puts you in a bad mood, even makes you nonproductive. I understand and
I sympathize, but ... eating solves none of these problems. Have you
noticed that your jeans don't fit as well and that Abercrappie shirt
of yours is just a tad tighter (it didn't shrink in the wash)? Well
fatty, maybe it's 'cuz you eat more than an Ethiopian at an All-You-Can-Eat
Buffet. The rainy weather won't last forever and you'll want to go swimming
at some point, or have sex, or something involving other people having
to look at your massive ass, and then where will you be? Fat and craving
Twinkie's, something you would've never thought of eating before. This
is what you deserve. 
Leos are said to make the best performers. Musically, theatrically,
etc. etc. I find this to be extreme bullshit. Most of these "prodigies"
are Leo/Cancer cusps. (Definitely not Virgo/Leo cusp 'cuz Virgos suck
ass at performing, too.) So if you have heard this and had it drilled
into your head, it's false. Do not give up your day job kids, the only
Oscar you'll get is at a barbecue with relish.
Have you seen any good movies lately? Probably not unless you have some
sugar footer who pays for all your expenses. That's all well and good
though because I understand that you are a cheapskate. Actually, "cheapskate"
is too nice a term. How about you're cheaper than Taco Bell? That's
good. Enough said.