We seem to be having a spate of Mitch Pileggi sightings; so we feel that there is every chance that he's stalking us. It's not inconceivable. We're sure he's picked up a thing or two after all these years of playing Assistant Director Skinner on "The X-Files." Dude, he could have this place completely wired. He's very clever. When we see him, he seems to be paying little to no attention to us. Intriguing, no? First, we spotted him at the Bed Bath & BEYOND (we like to shout those last two words) in Studio City. He had his daughter (or a clever FBI agent?) in the seat of his shopping cart as he contemplated kitchen drawer storage. He feigned ignoring us again just days later at the Good Guys electronics store in Glendale. Faded pink T, faded jeans, oddly sexy with that clench-jawed way of his. Yet further proof that bald men can be hot, even paczki-faced bald men. And this time Mitch had a tiny sweet wife with him. A pretty blue-eyed doll in a heavenly sun dress with complementing little jacket. Or was she yet another ingeniously disguised Fed? And then, again we see him at the Rock 'n Roll Ralph's grocery store at Ventura and Vineland (so called because it's so, well, new and ... um, big. We just call it that, okay?) So you tell us, celebrity sighting or insidiously clever Government ruse designed to in some way infiltrate the workings of MASH magazine. Huh? Huh? Yeah, that's what we think.

We're pretty sure Danny Bonaduce is harmless, although we find him sexy either way. Mitch is sexy too but we'd actually do up The Duce in a New York minute. Funny though, he has literally been following us. Green Merc, 300 E convertible. Right behind us! Smokin' a stogie. That's probably where he gets that luscious gravely voice. No, wait, he's always had that. He and David Cassidy probably used to kick back and smoke up on the set of "The Partridge Family." C'mon, you can't just get that voice at birth, can ya? And just the day before we saw The Ducer at lunch sitting at an outside table at the Tidal Wave Deli eating something vaguely steak-like. Goateed, black jeans and black T-shirt, looking earnest and scruffy. So you see him the next day in your rear view, what are you gonna think? We will fess up though that long ago we had an opportunity to tell El Duce that we've always found him very sexy. He smiled sheepishly and replied, "What made you say that?" "You're sexy, that's all," we said, "we've always thought that." He was just tickled pink. Course he's always somewhat pink.

Now we know we've already mentioned seeing James Cromwell in the past, and it's not like he's this massive star that we should be telling you again, but we simply respect the pants off him and we see him everywhere! Usually eating, too, even though the man's a rail. We've seen him at Jinky's enjoying their fine chili and at Art's on more than one occasion. In fact, once the ubiquitous Mr. Cromwell was eating at Art's with his son. And if the father is perhaps a little out of our age range, holy cow, his son is a total cutie. Would you believe the boy is actually taller than his father and looks so much like him he might as well have "I belong to ..." stamped on his forehead? Maybe he's a little too young for us (though not illegal we wouldn't think), but we gave him the eye so hard, if he is too young, our look alone made him a man that day. Ahem. Well, so, don't you think there's a chance these gents could be following US? Now that we think about it, though, I suppose they just might live in our neighborhood. Huh. It's a thought.