What would you never do no matter how much someone paid you?

Shit in public.

Chop off my huge hog.

Kill someone.

Sleep with someone of the same sex. A college friend asked me to do a threesome with her and her boyfriend. I just saw her last night, too! A real good-looking couple, but couldn't do it.

I would never kill a person who hadn't committed a crime or rape someone under any circumstances.

Kill someone.

Watch Bette Midler's show or see/listen to any Barbra Streisand.

Cut off my privates.

Play country music.

Molest a child.

Have sex with George Bush.

Hook it.

Pray.

Shit in a bag or strip.

Going down.

Fighting someone for no reason.

Go back.

Eat poop.

Very little.

What are you most proud of having done in your life?

Graduate college magna cum laude.

Growing a huge hog. That's why I would never chop it off.

Excelling in college math after sucking so bad in high school math.

Finishing college.

Any time I've made a friend feel better and I wasn't doing it for selfish reasons.

Learning to snowboard, play guitar, sing, learning computers, starting my own internet company and selling it for smooth cash.

Eating some of my own rancid three day old barf on a $10 dare.

Being nice.

Survived being homeless in LA.

Survived childbirth (my own).

In a three-month period: help direct a play five days a week, work two days a week, go to school five days a week, audition for and get into UCLA.

I've kept good friends, and been a loyal, honorable friend myself.

Graduating college.

Learing how to drive a car without wrecking it.

Finding the lightswitch for myself in the darkened room, and remembering the location when the lights go off.

Having charmed the editors of MASH.

 

No monkey paw strings attached, if you could have any wish you want granted, what would it be?

Unlimited supply of money, or youth for the rest of my life - I don't wanna live forever, I just don't wanna get old. Or a cure for cancer.

Superpowers. Good superpowers. Not Aquaman talking to fish powers. Were talking Superman powers. The flight. The strength. The super speed. Heat vision. Invulnerablity. The possibilities are endless.

To have enough money to never have to ask how much something cost.

To be a healthy multi-millionaire doctor, 18 lbs lighter, married to a multi-millionaire hockey player!

The power to write and executive produce my own TV show.

To be in a hot band and sing in front of thousands of people.

That there will never be another Celine Dion album.

Round the clock blow jobs by the women of my choice.

Not to have to worry about money.

A 12-inch pianist [sic].

To have an unlimited supply of money. If I didn't have to work, I could do so much more! Plus, just think of all the free space in your head there would be without money worries.

Get mankind to stop wishing for things and realize that to get things done requires action.

A never ending supply of money.

A car.

Loss of fear.

To be the female equivalent of Stephen Spielberg (as a director).

Instant travel to any part of the globe, with the ability to speak the language of love in each country, each small town....

 

What are your feelings about marriage?

I do not wanna get married - ever.

I'm okay with it as long as the Mrs. respects my huge hog.

Fine for some people, but I don't need the piece of paper (but I wouldn't NOT get married).

Something I want but not anytime soon. Not something people feel they have to or should do. If you are going into a marriage thinking if it doesn't work out, there is always divorce, don't go through with it! It's not for everyone.

I think that marriage can be fulfilling, but that too many people rush into it. I think marriage is a lot of work and if you don't really want to be in it for the long haul and work as hard as possible to get through tough spots, then don't do it.

Don't know, they're buried under a bunch of shit.

It's good as long as its "open" like mine is.

Ridiculous.

Outdated.

DON'T DO IT!!!

Works for me! Seriously, I don't care how sappy you cynics out there think this is, it's amazing coming home to your best friend every day.

It should be saved for true love. One should not be fooled into thinking you should get married for its own sake.

Not a good idea.

If love and honesty are involved, and you've known that person for a long time go for it.

That it doesn't mean what they say it does.

Maybe for some but not for me.

Like it. Good place to visit. Might like to live there. Not today.

 

Who's yer daddy?

Me.

My huge hog.

Uncle Sam.

He who caters to my every want and needs, but isn't a wuss!

My daddy is this Southern man who is an exceptional newspaper editor and who has done more to fight discrmination and make good newspapers than I have done making crazy jokes and hosting www.jath.com.

I gots lots o' daddy's.

Papa don croke.

The ladies at MASH, of course.

John A. Tanner, Why?

Mr. Mo B. Dick.

The unknown comic.

James Hetfield. That was easy. And so am I.

An asshole.

William Shatner.

My biological father.

My dad.

A priest who used to be a teacher and uses Buddah in the pulpit.

Haley Joel Osment.

Hm. Literally, three. Divorce rocks at Christmastime, you get all the loot and competitive affection (boo hoo). No, seriously - Robert Young. Yeah, Father knows best after all.